Ezabell Krikorian – A Tribute

My earliest memory with Ezabell is not actually something I remember—she told me about this when I was much older and my mom corroborated the account. I was in my bassinet at Mamig’s (Grandma’s) house, just a few months old and she walked up and stared at me lying there and smiled, until she suddenly poked my eye with her finger. That was one of our earliest encounters!

In the early 80s we would be at Mamig’s house a lot—that was our meeting place for a great part of our formative years. For kids our size, the house seemed massive, the front yard was large with a variety of hydrangeas, sego palms and rose bushes—the backyard even larger with more fruit trees—pomegranates, loquats, figs and apricots. I am told we were quiet, well-behaved and often entertained ourselves. Yet I remember us arguing over tv stations, especially when our favorite cartoons aired at the same time.

We were the renaissance artists in our family. As far back as I remember we would often draw when together. I remember being dropped off at Mamig’s house one morning and Ezabell was already there, drawing at the coffee table in the family room. She was excited to tell me about a new way to draw a human nose—- simply the capital letter “L” in the middle of a face. And that was the beauty of it — we learned random things from each other throughout our lives. Years later, my dad would take us to Mission Renaissance art classes in Eagle Rock once a week and some years later at the Armory Center for the Arts.

On weekdays, when Dedig (Grandpa) was home from work, he would take us to Eaton Canyon. I remember feeding the tadpoles and then finding hidden areas in the chaparral where we made our “hide-outs”— we would check on them each time we visited. Walking back home we would always get a thrill of exiting the park from an extremely narrow and steep trail we called the “scary place” (վախնալիք տեղ).

Ezabell was a “maker”, she made art – she was good with her hands. During the latter episodes of “The Smurfs” a select group of the blue humanoids were traveling to different countries and Ezabell was convinced they would visit our town sooner or later. Therefore, she decided that it would be best to build shelters for the Smurfs in Mamig’s backyard. We built these by hand with smooth river rocks, twigs and pebbles in hidden corners of the yard— Ezabell always made sure to make a separate home for Smurfette (the female smurf), complete with a flower bed and a small “pond” that would always dry up.

When we were a bit older, I remember summers with Ezabell—especially the dog days of summer spent at her house. We would walk over from her house through the back alley, to 7-eleven for a Slurpee, or visit the Sunnyslope library, or the comic book store nearby for trading cards. That was the trip from her back alley to Rosemead Blvd., running across Michillinda Ave. was a completely different adventure (non-stop vehicle traffic). But with adult supervision, and a break in traffic flow allowed us to cross over to Hugo Reid Elementary School and play on the swings when school was not in session. Sleepovers at her house were especially fun—we watched movies, cartoons and sitcoms that my cousin Mgo had recorded and meticulously labeled–The NeverEnding Story, Alice in Wonderland (the 1985 CBS special), Yogi’s First Christmas, The Goonies, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (with Gene Wilder), among others.

We read books during the summer and enjoyed checking out books from the library—two that come to mind are Among the Dolls and the Witch at the Window. Lesser-known titles but all of them fed our imagination and fostered our creativity. This was the 80s. Ezabell even introduced me to The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe (book) and we enjoyed watching the BBC production later on. Of course, that couldn’t compare to the 2005 release of the film. By then we had grown up, and didn’t have lazy summers together to really analyze “Narnia” as we once did as children. Her bedroom always had music playing in the background. It was at her house I first heard Boy George and Karma Chameleon, hit songs by Cindi Lauper and I’ll never forget the time she forgot her CD copy of Ladies & Gentlemen: the Best of George Michael in my CD player in our garage. Music was confined to physical media growing up—unless you were glued to a radio station. If your tape or CD was left somewhere you were far from the music. When I think of the music in her room, I have to recall the familiar smells that accompanied them. When we were young, her room was filled with the Strawberry Shortcake Doll scent. Later, as teenagers and beyond there was always some scented candle filling the room.

When I started high school in 1998, Ezabell was a junior at Pasadena High School. We didn’t see each other on campus a whole lot since most of her classes were in the Visual Arts and Design Academy, located on a corner of the PHS campus. We did however, end up together in Ms. Duval’s P.E. class. We always partnered up to count each other’s jump rope skips, sit-ups, push-ups and other activities that didn’t thrill us a whole lot at the time. I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not we inflated the numbers in our favor.

After high school, we both worked at De-ani while attending Pasadena City College. We were often assigned to the padding room for hours of brain-numbing work sticking 14K gold charms on pads for Zales or Piercing Pagoda, while the radio was tuned to K-Earth 101. These were times of great conversation—we discussed ideas, planned events and talked about most everything. Once in a while we would clock out for lunch at the same time – Wendy’s salads, or croissant sandwiches from Food Time were some of her favorites. It was also during our time at De-ani when we both got our first Sprint camera flip phones—yup, they were pretty cool at the time.

I don’t think I could ever visit Old Town Pasadena and the Santa Anita Mall without thinking of Ezabell. During our De-ani days, we would sometimes meet for dinner at the mall before heading home. Her favorite spot was the California Pizza Kitchen—she always ordered the Chicken Tequila Fettuccine (hold the bell peppers) and I would usually order the Thai Linguini — we would always split a BBQ Chicken Chopped Salad. In December 2001 we were both looking forward to the film debut of Fellowship of the Ring (and each subsequent release) and saw it in theaters together. The “Krikorian Theater” wasn’t too far from where we were working in Monrovia, CA.

For about a good decade we planned weekend youth retreats at Camp AREV. In the early 2000s, camp was a desolate place, consisting of an old building and not much else. We came up with the idea of themed dinners and alternated between Luau nights and Miami nights where the outdoor ambience was transformed into something special for the campers. One year at Winter camp, she cooked two whole turkeys from morning on, so the college campers could all enjoy a ‘thanksgiving’ meal together in January! We chuckled whenever the topic came up back to the one year the camp director accused our group of taking the ‘tepseens’ (baking trays) from the camp kitchen after our weekend retreat was over. We had in fact, cleaned up that kitchen and washed all food prep items and arranged the “missing” trays neatly on a top shelf. That was Ezabell, always leaving things better than she found them.

As our individual careers developed, we always kept in touch or saw each other one way or another. Thanksgiving was a particularly special time where she enjoyed being in the kitchen helping prepare some of her favorite side dishes— stuffing with carrots, onions and celery, stuffed mushrooms with Parmesan and classic mashed potatoes. After dinner she loved having coffee—and she particularly loved the French Roast we brewed at our house and asked for it every time she was over for dinner. After dinner walks up the Kinneloa Mesa road in recent years were also memorable—her physical stamina was extraordinary knowing all she was battling. I never heard her complain, not once. She just adjusted and asked for help when she needed it.

After Ezabell got her cosmetology license, she cut my hair every month and these proved to be great “daytime” visits and opportunities to catch-up, share ideas, and ask each other for advise. One time after she finished cutting my hair she asked with a big grin if I’d ever been to Tom’s Burgers and if I wanted to go right then. This was one of a few spontaneous “detours”. She offered to order some of her sharable favorites —chicken and waffles, biscuits and gravy and zucchini sticks. Fun times.

Ezabell was stubborn to a fault, yet humorous and kindhearted. She was a great judge of character; she saw through people very easily. She also had great dreams and pursued them no matter the setbacks and physical limitations. Her creativity as an artist and skill as a businesswoman are a testament to this. She made handmade jewelry and grew a tremendous following on social media. People who had never met her absolutely loved her and her work.

She was a great support to me when I needed it the most. During at least three dinners at Din Tai Fung the summer of 2018, she provided practical insight, lighthearted humor and all the love a cousin could possibly bestow.

The last few years were seasoned with joys as well as sorrows. I remember visiting her in her room on Halloween night in 2019—a holiday when, as kids, we made our own costumes and went trick-or-treating in Grandma’s neighborhood—now we were quietly carving pumpkins on her bedroom floor, while watching the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina on Netflix. Each visit now would initiate another binge-worthy streaming show. I survived all seasons of Riverdale but I think I liked Stranger Things even more.

A few years earlier we had enjoyed season passes to Disneyland and attended Dame Edna’s Glorious Goodbye at the Ahmanson Theater. Yet God would allow us a few more memorable trips after the 2020 pandemic which kept as apart — a visit to the Last Bookstore in Downtown L.A. with chicken tostadas at The Original Tops afterwards, as well as an evening at the State Fair in Santa Anita Park where we enjoyed pretzels, a ride on the big Ferris wheel, a swing ride from Michael Jackson’s Neverland, and a Beatles tribute band—Hard Day’s Night. She introduced me to Zen Buffet in Arcadia where we had all the seafood and sushi we could care to enjoy one night. I think our last restaurant meal together was at the Cheesecake Factory in Old Town Pasadena.

The pain is real. A flood of memories rushed over me when I saw her at the CCU for the last time on May 4th.

I take comfort in the power of the resurrection— Christ has swallowed up death in victory (1 Cor. 15:54). Death has so radically been changed because of Jesus that the Heidelberg Catechism states it is no longer “a payment for our sin, but only a dying to sin and an entering into eternal life.” I know Ezabell … and I know Jesus welcomed her to a glorious place with no more pain. The maker met the Maker, the artist has seen the Source of creation. I’m sure she’s painting on a ten-league canvas with colors and hues we can only begin to imagine. She’ll teach me a thing or two some day as she often did over the years. Until that day…I love you, cousin, and will miss you terribly.

The rain fell so uncharacteristically hard that evening in May, it overshadowed the morning light.

Anselm Cur Deus Homo

Given the season we are in, it seemed appropriate to reflect on Anselm’s Why God Became Man. What I learned about the Lord through the brilliant writing of Anselm is that God operates logically. With all the power to wield and will, our Lord chooses to operate in a way that we can understand yet not comprehend totally. He reveals enough for us to grasp and build upon yet without contradiction in his Word and in his ways. There is within him “no shadow of turning”. God became man because only God could pay the debt man owed and no one other than man could pay the debt. As improbable as the combination might seem, it is only logical that the God-man be the one to take it fully upon himself to both initiate and complete the work of salvation.
In Chapter 8 of Book I, Anselm says that there was no humiliation in the incarnation of Christ. Often we think of the “lowly manger” yet there is not enough there to further Anselm’s assertion that in the incarnation, human nature was exalted. In one of the verses of Hark the Herald Angels Sing, we proclaim that Christ was “born that man no more may die, born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.” This lyric comes closest to expanding on this often overlooked reality—God came not just to make atonement and bring salvation, but to exalt human nature. I suspect we are careful not to stress this point in conversation and in ministry. Understandably, we would prefer to remain lowly, humble and yes, perhaps even sinful. In our preaching and teaching we tend to place this exaltation as an eschatological event yet to be realized—sadly, for many, the later the better. It seems that the process of exaltation has begun in the incarnation and it would be worthwhile to contemplate and discover what areas of our nature have been exalted by Christ. While humility is key, a spiritually mature conversation about the exaltation of human nature may help us live from our identity as joint heirs with Christ while yet still on earth. Our path to “exaltation” would reflect character transformation as eternal realities start saturating our earthly lives.
In reflecting on Anselm’s view of the atonement, it was refreshing to once again see the logic to what God accomplished through Jesus Christ. Christ offered to God what He did not owe. The compensation he was given for this was bestowed upon us. Christ wanted this for us— we are the recipients of his great reward! Sometimes we tend to think everything is about our choosing or believing. It is very humbling that God so intricately and logically, without offense to his holiness and righteousness worked out for us our own righteousness in Christ. Anytime I think we have something to bring to the table, I can reflect on this humbling truth. This was done for us while we were powerless and even after salvation we should humbly remember that we had no active part in our atonement—God accomplished it all.

While at first, I did not understand the purpose of why Anselm explores the idea of angels and whether or not redeemed humanity was meant to make up for the fallen angels, I found the contrast with angelic beings underscored once again why our salvation is so amazing. God could work within the framework of creation to redeem mankind but not so for the fallen angels. There was no God-angel to borrow Anselm’s term. The angelic rebellion occurred before the fall of man it seems to me that God could redeem humanity, although much of it had to play out through time and space, he could work justly to bring about our reinstatement, to enjoy eternal bliss, doing the will of the Father, as he intended in the first place. God took all necessary measures without turning back the clock so to speak. In moving his perfect will forward through history, he made all things work together to redeem us and elevate us.
Contemplating these truths adds an amazing high-definition layer to our often flat but well-intended invitation to have “a relationship with the Lord.” Our message and our exhortation can be so much fuller when we lift up Christ. Perhaps lifting up Christ means to explore the richness of his work (perhaps while dialoguing, as Anselm does) in order to convey something deeper in our presentations of the gospel. We might do well to mine through hidden gems by these writers and present them anew to a generation that might not otherwise be interested in ancient writing yet so desperately needs ancient truth. Jesus Christ is the only quite simply because he alone made the way. He did what no other could do. Exploring the logical steps of salvation will help even the believer to think through the reality they now confess to living in. To the non-believer, this logical approach gives us the opportunity to present an irresistible reality void of the fluff and self-centerdness that sometimes overwhelms the “modern” services of the Western church.
Too many times we engage the emotions and fail to show the logic of the gospel or the logic of our atonement. On the other extreme, we focus on intellectual knowledge of the Bible and trivial facts and figures without any felt purpose or relevance. Prayerfully introducing logical explanations to how and why God works with the intent on moving the heart of the hearer can be more fruitful. Forming logical explanations will not overwhelm us to facts but it will overwhelm our sense to the greatness of God as we are invited to contemplate and reflect on who God is and what he has done on our behalf.

Good Friday

Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be by Plantinga describes the cunning and parasitic nature of sin in such a way that I now recognize sin as layered, multifaceted and menacing. The best litmus test for sin now is to determine if a specific thought or action disturbs shalom (peace)— and to what degree? Sin is a disturbance of shalom. This grew me out of a tendency to label thoughts and actions as “sin or not sin” and rather to understand God’s design and desire—and how sin has disrupted that and continues to disrupt that in society, relationships and beyond. If we can grasp the nature of sin, its many forms and its tendency to corrupt even our very best intentions, dreams and accomplishments then we understand what Jesus Christ defeated on that cross in the most profound way. We begin to scratch the surface of how God feels about sin.

“Wounded For Our Transgressions…”

On Good Friday I was also reading through Oliver Crisp’s writings on Christology and wondering what relevance the academic discussion could have on individual experiences and application. Struggling through the dense material was part of the process of seeing ‘what sticks’. In the midst of the reading and the typing I dropped everything and picked up a new square canvas and just started painting an image of Christ on the cross from a close-up perspective purely from imagination and saturation in the readings and my own thoughts. I usually paint as an outlet for creative energy and spending time on the idea of the Word taking on flesh — and once again the thoughts of the nature of sin just spilled out of me onto that canvas. It isn’t that the world is lacking for “Christ paintings” but for me it was all about the process and the prompt to paint in the middle of grappling with theological truth.

The painting itself is not very large and uses only two colors—Ultramarine Blue + Burnt Sienna mixtures. I wanted to capture both anguish and peace—both life and death. This painting now hangs on the wall to the right of my work desk. Below it, on a peace of paper is the following verse:

 

“But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world.” Galatians 6:14

 

The atoning work of Christ on the cross made possible our reparation and our reconciliation. While a lot of stress is made on reconciliation in evangelical preaching and teaching, there seems to be a lack in the discussion of reparation. How can we become the people of God–before we get to heaven? This resonates with me in a profound way as I long to see that in my church and community. This new relationship with God allows us to be reconciled with God and with one another—this is the transformation we desperately seek.

 

And can it be that I should gain
An int’rest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, should die for me?

Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quick’ning ray,
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free;
I rose, went forth and followed Thee.

-Charles Wesley 1738